(We find the sillier, cornier, and punnier, the better.) On the bright side, he makes really good subway sandwiches. There goes Obama! And Id let them have their laughs because when the condos come in, they have to leave. 46. I do this every day on Tinder. Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. WebNew York subway shooting: Here are the latest updates by worldNews24. Its a long trip to the Bronx, but theres always someone to greet you. Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack. Idea here is to post any joke you can come up with relating to the NYC Subway 183. Itll be like: Comedian Aziz Ansari was killed in a car accident today. Another synonym for bet and okay. Look at her; shes fucking beautiful! WebService will increase and a planned fare hike will be reduced under the handshake state budget deal between Gov. Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC? Quick and efficient communication. Oh, another guitar player. 34. 8. Yeah, I cant see the Forest Hills for the trees. The little kid winks again: "I know what you did.". Yawn., 104. Truth be told though, Ive never traveled without travel insurance and dont think you should either especialy since I think weve all had plans drastically change because of the pandemic. I was like, In fact, sir, youre Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold. Iliza Shlesinger, One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; its Shake Shack, the burger place. Youre not considered legally dead until you lose your tan. Joan Rivers, L.A. I decided that Im gonna argue with this guy, but Im gonna argue about something else. 122. Dont surprise me on Brooklyn bridge. 3. 100. What did the old New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? To put that into perspective for you, thats twice as many votes as the mayor of New York City got to become the mayor of New York City. Web14-year-old killed after falling between subway cars in the Bronx. I was stressed and unhappy with my life, so I moved to Los Angeles. 1. Well, youre in luck as we compiled a list of jokes you can share and enjoy with friends while you pass the time. Go Bills! When a blonde moves from New Jersey to New York, what happens? The woman says, Yes, of course. Well here are things that you should learn and can joke about the locals. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. Veteran Member; 424 1,653 posts; Location: Bronx; Share #1 You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. Buts its my move now; I got legs, too. Ive been living in the city for 15 years; I have no idea where the train is going. So, without further ado, check out how many of these secrets you might know about New York Citys perhaps second most hated station (after Penn Station ), the Times Square subway station! Trying to get into smaller pants. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. Subway Jokes - Joke Buddha Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? Theyre just like, Why is the BFG on Sunset? Amy Schumer, The stupidest thing is to assume Latinos are all from Mexico. But John came fifth, and received a $10 subway gift card. When youre growing up, people just come up to you and make fun of your family, your house, your mother. 2. Racist topics make me nervous. None, they just beat the room for being black. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Its an incredible place to live. After all, it is the city that never sleeps., 26. Dont pee on that., 72. By JubaionBx12+SBS, April 16, 2012 in New York City Subway. Loving my trip to the Big Apple-tini. WebFunniest Subway Jokes Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it Trying to get into smaller pants TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway Whoops, wrong sub. His mother tells him: "Honey, don't do this". WebNew York City subway commuters. 8. On the University of Buffalo campus, what do you call a good-looking girl? 38. Whats a nice person like you doing in a place like this? Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? What's a New Yorker's favorite storm? Or lets tell them as the doors are closing. 102. Why does New York have lots of garbage and Los Angeles have lots of lawyers? I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio., 84. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. It wont take them long to tell you, just give them a few minutes to introduce themselves., 4. There are no children in the eyes of the New York Post. There are, as you may have noticed, a lot of jokes about flying. I turned to my wife and said "now, how hard was that? MiamiNewTimes.com 2. 5-Down, Eight Letters: Show that gave us New New York. Finally he asks his boss if he can just not wait on that customer. So, yeah. Youre stretching it out, you fat pig! One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. Give it back now! He got back in his car and he locked his doors. Louis C.K. Eve wanted to leave Eden and move to New York, but why? 161. Let me guess, youre a Gramercy Nazi? I was driving in Manhattan. Everybody loves it. 28. The worst is when the train goes express on a whim. Pitter pat packages to new york. So, great intuition, random lady on the train! Thats what New York Citys done to me. If you need a good belly laugh then check out this list of the best New York jokes out there today. In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? 81. They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second., 35. She is from another country. My health led me to move to New York City. 19+ Amazing Things to do in Rockland Maine. Good call. 11 Hilarious And Painfully Accurate Jokes About NYC So theres a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. 115. I live in Brooklyn, but not Williamsburg. My name is Kelly and Im so happy youre here! After all, the pandemic of doom has thrown us all for a wicked awful loop that we need at least a brief respite from. NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. I didnt get much sleep. Theyre beautiful. Wanna get a pizza some wickedly wonderful New York City puns? 38+ Comical Nyc Jokes | nyc subway, nyc rat jokes - Joko Jokes Its so cold in New York that the statue of liberty shoved the torch up her dress., 17. WebIm going to help you out: if youre going to spend your day reporting suspicious activity on a New York City subway, youre not gonna have time for anything else. She fell for the Big Apple. The smile looks really good on you. I cant go, Oh my God, somebody help me! We actually have 12 hour service because it doesn't work half the f**' time. 92. What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? Yeah, New York Giants fans will admit their team stinks. I remember seeing a headline when Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, and it says, Tiger says hes sorry, but Elin says, Beat it, bozo! No, she did not. In span-ish. 13. The piano player abruptly stopped playing. Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. I do that on Tinder every day. Push. New York Subway System: Maps, Schedules and NYC Travel Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh. 24. This seems to be their big qualification. Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. New York is the city that never sleeps, which is why it looks like hell in the morning. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? *Sorry, there was a problem signing you up. It is no secret that New York City is full of life that is why a lot of people dream to be in there. Gol de walter montillo a flamengo x. Meteo nice 20 avril 2014. When blondes move from New Jersey to New York, what happens? 51. WebNEW YORK SUBWAY 2 - ONLY IN NYC / Funny Subway Compilation New York secrets 8.26K subscribers Subscribe 26K Share Save 1.9M views 3 years ago NEW YORK Please help the The banker asks, Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?. New York City is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a1241ac53cde3a7a3a7ee8f7b30ffba7" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Heck yeah you do! Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . Whats the only thing that grows in Buffalo? When you're happy, no one sees your smile. Its great that youre able to do it. Why do people feel comfortable to do that in that situation? The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City., 88. The Statue of Liberty can't jump! We suggest you to use only working subway subway footlong piadas for adults and blagues for friends. New Yorkers confuse me NYC Subway So glad you stopped by and super happy to meet you. The 70+ Best Nyc Jokes - UPJOKE Hochul and state legislative leaders. Now I live in New York, and Im psyched, but that is a stupid movie title. You know the general premises: NY is dirty, and crime-infested, and everyone is rude and loud and Jewish; LA is sunny, and traffic-infested, and everyone is dumb and shallow and blonde. NYC subway And thats where this list of 185 top New York jokes, New York puns, NYC jokes, and NYC puns comes in mighty handy. I do that on Tinder every day., 22. Im paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified. Anita Weiss, New York City is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. Jeff Garlin, In NYC, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage space. Judith Stone, Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. Ghostbusters II, New York is the city that never sleeps, which is why it looks like hell in the morning. Bill Maher, Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. Nikita Khrushchev, New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. Dress her up in West Virginia Black and Gold!, 109. 1 thing that you can be in the eyes of the New York Post is an angel. 58. Its gotta be some weird cat guy. Like I was gonna turn around and there was going to be some guy with, like, cat ears and a unitard and felt whiskers. Dan St. Germain, For in that city [New York] there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy. Evelyn Waugh, There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe. Elbert Hubbard, New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire. Henry James, If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish. Lenny Bruce, Itll be a great place if they ever finish it. O. 10 Comedians On Their Favorite NYC Jokes - InsideHook Tire-less. My love life is terrible. This may be the right meme for you if: You keep rewatching Succession because there are Easter eggs you didnt get the first three times. How can you prevent a Syracuse fan from beating his wife? The video has since been deleted, but a Twitter user re-uploaded the clip. What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles? And whenever they go through the wreckage, theyll find my phone and be like, Whoa, thats what he looked up right before he died? Gonna be so sad. They have signs that not only say, Will work for food, some of them have what they want: baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet-potato pie, sour chives. A.J. Where do the Rolling Stones love to perform? Love a good play on words? Im gonna be Frank. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. Lets cross the bridge when we come to it. Looking forward to the show. Marc Maron, New Yorks such a wonderful city. 83. G: Everytime you smile I feel like calling you over to my place In winter, New York makes a great frost impression. Are there any signs that someone is from New York City? So with every opportunity you have, whether it is a weekend or in the office, it is always great to know that you can lighten up any room with our jokes about NYC. You have a bangs fetish. NYC Subway Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick.. Can I have some more coffee? Moo York. The banker, stunned, asks, A $250,000 Rolls Royce? 5. You guys gotta do it if youre ever there. On the University of Buffalo campus, what do you call a good-looking girl? Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Victor hugo politics les miserables. Its like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it. Al Madrigal, If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right. Richard Jeni, You cant smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic when you consider the fact that you cant breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles. Greg Proops, Hollywood is like Picassos bathroom. Candice Bergen, I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I dont know, its hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin. W.C. Oh, an accordion player OHH NNNOOOOO! John Mulaney, The New York Post is my favorite newspaper. 90. I got a roommate to save money. They all go like this: Once upon a time, I forgot. WebA Yankee fan, a Met fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together on the subway when the lights go out and the car goes completely dark. You seen this Home Alone 2: Lost in New York shit? It is known for Hollywood and so much more. The eccentric customer always orders a tuna sandwich, but heavily modified, made with an extra cup of mayo, smothered in chili peppers, red peppers, onions, and pickles, then toasted until it's burnt. Hard to find four innocent people in New York. Will Rogers, Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut. Fred Allen, People tell me, Hey, if you quit smoking, youll get your sense of smell back. I live in New York City, I got news for you, folks, I dont want my fucking sense of smell back. Bill Hicks, You white folks see UFOs in your dreams. I replied, Yeah, man, youre free., A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says I havent eaten in three days. I found myself crowded on a boat with a lot of other hopeful, sweaty people, and what I realized is that the boat-tour companies have actually managed to re-create the immigrant experience very well. Silly Jokes & Riddles for New York City Kids - Tinybeans They write theses on What I Stole Over My Summer Vacation. Joan Rivers, [New York] is all sex and violence. 19. 2. For instance, their fire department wont make house calls. Mort Sahl, Homeless people in L.A. are different. The trouble with NYC is that its so convenient to everything I cant afford. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Try the the NYC hotdogs. Youll a lot of times see headlines that are like, Hero Tutor Teaches After School, and youre like, Yeah. Down towards the bottom of the spectrum, there are pervs. I would have torn it to pieces. (I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out). Pizza Rat | Know Your Meme Summary Transcript. Wish Id known that before I risked my life. Im not having his argument; Im having mine. 18. I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires. Adam McKay Has Sold His Next Celebrity Hangout. Youre not a penguin. New York is the only place where if you have talent and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do, then someday, maybe just maybe you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train., 79. Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York? Whats the best street for moving trucks? Id flown in yesterday, and I had this very weird, genuine New York moment. Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. They haven't been this worried about meat between buns since Jared was sentenced. But most other food should be stickless. Steve Carell, The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. Two dudes, and one dude said to the other, Nah, son, get the Fiji! New York is very rough. What prevented Jesus from being born in New York? WebComedy Subway Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it Trying to get into smaller pants TIFU by mixing up by wifes Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Commuters in the New York City subway. Im fat in all the wrong places. WebEpisode 7: The bros cometh. Youd love a mayonnaise store. Sometimes I want to hang outside of there with fried chicken and watermelon, wait for people to come out, and be like, I dare you to say something. Wyatt Cenac, Relationships are hard in NYC. It would be like, You seen this shit? You can always tell whos raised in New York by how they take a compliment when theyre an adult. To park in handicap spaces., 99. You can get your purse snatched and your rear end pinched simultaneously., 87. ), 61 HILARIOUS Sydney Jokes That Aussies Will Love. The Stock Exchange. Turns out the truth was hidden in train sight. 55. Because theres a Delhi on every block. Ask any MTA employee for help when you need it. We have tried to get the transit commission to adjust the signage but they won't do anything. I live in New York. Thats because these NYC puns are hilarious. Under an angel is a hero. How do the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges communicate? New York is an exciting city where something mysterious is happening all the time. WebRonny Chieng explains how NYC is the only city where people fight subway trains and win! The lox were broken. ! I thought, This is probably how I die, but also, how nice of him to want to introduce me to his family. Charla Lauriston, I live in New York, where in my neighborhood, a lot of dudes have handlebar mustaches. I always falafel after drinking all night. 50. When fat cows go on vacation, where do they go? NYC subway commuters. 102. He couldnt actually Words cant espresso how much New York means to me. The Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers., 20. NYC Subway It can burn a hole straight through it! Wheres the best place to charge your phone in NYC? I would say it was a hard drive., 106. Living in New York can be challenging at times and its not that easy for everyone. But the best/worst/best again part of Hollywood is the nonstop parade of delusion you get to see Right now there are a million people in Hollywood who are all going to make it. David Cross, I love Los Angeles. New Yorkers like to say theyre from New York. Uh, Dianne, tell me about the Queen of the Night, he said. He starts to wink and point to her belly. Jamal, They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles, and they found traces of estrogen and antidepressants in the tap water. On September 18th, 2015, New York City standup comedian Matt Little recorded a video of a rat dragging a slice of pizza down the stairs at the First Avenue L train station in Manhattan. 1. How do you get to be? NYC looks terrible in the mornings. Subway G: No I'm a dentist. Give it back! Im paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified. A visitor. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. You can get your purse snatched and your rear end pinched simultaneously. Joan Rivers, This guy came up to me at a party last week and asked me, Where are you from? So I told him, Im from Queens, New York. And hes like, No, where are you really from? For those of you who dont know, thats code for Why arent you white? Hari Kondabolu, I come from New York, where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by the wallet. Al McGuire, Ive now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones unfortunately, its a lowercase L. Rita Rudner, The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City. Jon Stewart, New York is the only place where if you have talent and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do, then someday, maybe just maybe you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train. Dave Barry, In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage, and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, and possibly unemployable, actor. Quentin Crisp, I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio. Craig Anton, No matter how many times I visit this great city, Im always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxicab. Scott Adams, I live in Los Angeles. What state do dogs like? Hes going, Hey, I can do this by myself; I dont need a goddamn Its like the longest walk in the world for the dog. Norm Macdonald, I went to Coney Island recently. Service will increase and a planned fare hike will be reduced under the handshake state budget deal between Gov. Who doesnt love a good pun? This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. What did the angry pepperoni say? Howd you get lost in New York? 35. Where you at, 24th and Fifth? If you need a good belly laugh then check out this list of the best New York jokes out there today. I said, Yeah, man, youre free. This week, Tom and Shiv get it on. In New York, thats from building to building. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Why are New Yorkers so depressed. Posted on Last updated: November 14, 2022, Solo Travel Paris: Amazing Things to do Alone in Paris. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). You dont hear about Martians in Harlem. Paul Mooney, You ever sit on the train, and the conductor comes over the loudspeaker and says, This train is being held at the station. And you just sit there, and youre like, God, I wonder what its like to be held? Because youre so lonely. Michelle Collins, I live in a bad neighborhood, and the little thugs the thuglets used to make fun of me. For more laughs, check our food jokes and puns that are totally hilarious! Talk about kazoos for a few minutes, then you hop on your unicycle and juggle, you carnival-faced motherfucker. Hannibal Buress, Fuck you, and fuck the Yankees! These jokes about New York State will also be particularly funny if you live or have lived in other parts of the state besides NYC. Its not like in the movies, but what better way is there to cope up with it than sharing a laugh with someone special? I said you could borrow it, not have it! In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space., 36. NYC How did the sailor get around the city? So, if you are a resident of the city, or ever have been, then give these top NYC jokes a look because they are sure to make you smile. Itll be a great place if they ever finish it., 56. This week Vulture is running a series of stories about the comedy produced in, and inspired by, New York and Los Angeles. 45. Murphy found himself in the London underground subway station, at four o'clock in the morning. I use a BMW to travel New York. Theres traffic, nobodys moving The guy behind me is honking just at me. WebTo get the joke, you need to recall a 2015 viral video of a real NYC rat heroically carrying a giant slice of pizza down a subway station staircase, only to abandon his bounty on the I dont think things could get any Bleeker. Need FUNNY jokes about New York? Navigating subway stations can be confusing, and that's only confounded by the fact that in most of them, cell service is a joke. 39. Why dont Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes? Seven and a half million of those stories are just excuses why people didnt vote for mayor. We don't let the homeless p** in our public bathrooms. Please stop calling my new phone. Because while New York City is amazing, its definitely not perfect. Like, Heres a bunch of money just kind of punch me all over. And then, when I got off, I found out that the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller-coaster in the world. The Yankees are supposed to win. What do you do to stay cool when its 100 degrees in NYC? How do the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges communicate? You can also read more about which policy is right for you in my full review here. Its filled with funny New York jokes that are sure to make you smile. Why did the New York regents decide to cover the Carrier Dome in cardboard? 15. 111. The U2 singer called his Zelenskyy portrait a few squiggles and I just got out of the way.. Everyone else is Mel Blanc. Jack Benny, If God doesnt destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology. Jay Leno, My arms register as legs there. WebVideos From Tinybeans. Suddenly a man with a redneck with Swastika barges into the cab, slams the door and orders the driver to the What prevented Jesus from being born in New York? In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? This is the third Willow-related death this year. Aziz Ansari, Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google New York now leads the worlds great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldnt make a sudden move., 46. Well, we have both of them. The views in Central park couldnt be NYC-er. But theres no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving. Craig Ferguson, You dont really drive in cabs in L.A. unless youre broke or homeless or if youre broke and driving the cab. Jay Mohr, Beverly Hills is very exclusive.
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